Dear Blog #7

I am currently surround by my stuff, pretty much all my worldly possessions, and do you know what; it isn't much. From having a house full of stuff, to taking whatever I can and squeezing into one room, to looking at it in the living room now. The mess is mainly clothes; of which most I don't wear. I have already set aside two IKEA bags worth to get rid of.

For just being one room worth it is a lot; there is some kitchen stuff, a hoover, a television, a computer... and clothes. Oh and of course my bed! All I have left. I would have happily got rid of it; started again. It is just stuff, I have lived without it for four months. It isn't important to have and looking at it now I just feel sick. All this stuff I have had for a long time and none of it really means anything to me. It is just greed. 

The only thing that is truly important to me is my box of shit - now that is a term of endearment for it, but it is basically a box of memories, from birthday stuff to my first valentines card. When me and my ex broke up I had to leave behind a whole under bed box full of snippets I had collected. I am truly devastated about it. Even typing this I am welling up at all of the stuff I might forget about.

I try not to dwell in the past, but when I am feel particularly low I like to think about past happy memories.

I realise I have the perfect opportunity to make some amazing new memories, and I am embracing it fully. I don't think about the past often as now it makes me sad. I can see how unhappy I actually was. They weren't happy memories at all; it was a show. Saying that, I still don't want to forget, it is a part of me and made me who I am. If I didn't go through the lowest low I would never have the highs in my life. I am grateful for all of the support I have been given; the kindness shown by others. Strangers who without questions helped. Old friends who stand by me no matter what.

Some of the people who are meant to me closest to me think this is all out of the blue. I have yet again done a terrible thing and hurt people. I am truly sorry, and never meant it. I need time to build myself and my new life, and that shouldn't involve hurting people. I felt suffocated. Removing myself from that situation has been freeing and I feel like I am finally making progress.

Here is to continuing to make life better!

xo