Kirstwee

So another lazy Sunday and all we have done is sat, listened to vinyl, cuddled, blogged and went for a carvery! BLISS! Loving the jazzy colours of these two in particular!!

Another chatty post from me today. Progress is slow but has been made, we have bought some furniture from IKEA and have started the process of organising our new room. We have bedside tables, rails for clothes, a chest of drawers and a desk. next we need storage for actual stuff - like books, dvds, games etc. I think we are going to try and get it all sorted this month try and not hang about too long with the place looking like a bombsite - but we will see. With everything a bit more organised I feel like I can breathe a bit easier, I have done the whole living out of bags and boxes too many times before and it drives me crackers! One thing I am really happy I have set up, even if it not in it's permanent home is my turntable. It is something I got from my parents for my birthday last year and I adore it. Excuse the mess underneath the table. we still have a few bags. 

Nothing better on a Sunday than a roast dinner and a pamper. I have also done a lot of cleaning! It has been well deserved, there has been yet more drama. I am not going to get into as it isn't my story to tell but it directly affects me in ways so it leads to added stress. I haven't had a panic attack for a week or so now, I have had moments when I have felt close to one but nothing major to report on that front. It is that time of the month when self loathing kicks in, as well as bloating, pain and my bitchy side comes out. I am generally a mild mannered person who just keeps myself to myself - however these times I just can't help myself. As always it is the people closest to you - sorry Dylan... Between bitchy comments, crying and pretending everything is fine I am cursing being a woman. Why do I need a reminder that I am not pregnant? I mean I don't need to be in so much pain I can barely move just to know that I am not expecting?! I could just take a test....

I am currently surround by my stuff, pretty much all my worldly possessions, and do you know what; it isn't much. From having a house full of stuff, to taking whatever I can and squeezing into one room, to looking at it in the living room now. The mess is mainly clothes; of which most I don't wear. I have already set aside two IKEA bags worth to get rid of. For just being one room worth it is a lot; there is some kitchen stuff, a hoover, a television, a computer... and clothes. Oh and of course my bed! All I have left. I would have happily got rid of it; started again. It is just stuff, I have lived without it for four months. It isn't important to have and looking at it now I just feel sick. All this stuff I have had for a long time and none of it really means anything to me. It is just greed.  The only thing that is truly important to me is my box of shit - now that is a term of endearment for it, but it is basically a box of memories, from birthday stuff to my fi...

So yet again I have neglected you, I am really sorry and I hope you can forgive me. Normally I brush over all of this and just get stuck in to making new posts and content. However I think it is really important that I explain a few things. So back in May me and my partner at the time split up. It was their decision and as you can imagine I was devastated. To begin with I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but quite quickly I got over it. Quicker than usual anyway. However, shortly after I started getting these spells of not being able to breathe and a tightness around my chest. It would happen spur of the moment, and for no reason I could pin point at the time. They would only last about 20 minutes or so then I would be fine. I knew what it was, it was a panic attack. I got my first ever one back in March 2016. We were in the process of moving into a new house and I really wasn't coping very well. Everyone has their opinion of how we should have done things ...